In Which Our Hero is Forged in a Spring of Fire

The Lost Underworld, where dinosaurs roam the earth! There’s no time for a picture, though, Ness and his friends have a third Sanctuary to get to. Oh yeah, been a while since we’ve been to one of those, huh? 

Well, this Sanctuary is a little different from what the Chosen Four have been used to up till now. Ness must traverse the inside of a live volcano, an impossibly hot and hostile uphill trek toward the mysterious Fire Spring. There, he must face his most dangerous foe yet... And yeah, I know I keep saying that for every episode, but trust me on this one, the Guardian of the Fire Spring is not messing around! Worse still, Ness has to choose only one companion to accompany him! All that, and with no ice powers to speak of whatsoever?! Oh dear… Ness is really gonna have to earn that melody for the Soundstone this time!

Will Ness make it to the top of the Fire Spring? Will Ness have wisdom enough to make the right choice among his dear friends to join him? And will he muster the courage to face the ferocious Carbon Dog, in whatever form it may take… and if need be, alone?!

Find out on this week’s episode of… The Podcast Against Giygas!

ROCKIN!!!

Transcript

You’re listening to… The Podcast Against Giygas!

Episode fourteen: In Which Our Hero is Forged in a Spring of Fire

*

If the view of the Lost Underworld from the hole in the floor was astounding, once the children stood right in the middle of it they were positively gobsmacked. Dinosaurs lumbered over them, filling the air with deafening roars, but for all that they more or less ignored them. The upright-walking Wetnosaurus prowled around for other beasts to get into tussles with, and the long-necked, spiky-backed Chomposaurus, appropriately enough, took big bites out of the tall grass and thick leaves on the trees hanging above. As Ness observed, the whole thing was

—Rockin…!

The children were petrified of moving on, they being so small in a new world so much larger than themselves, but seeing how little the dinosaurs paid them mind steeled them to continue. Seeing the most likely place of interest a few miles ahead on the horizon, a tall mountain with white plumes of smoke billowing out and little tufts of lava leaking down the peak, they made their way there in relative silence, still wary that the dinosaurs around them would go feral at the wrong crack of a stick under their feet. 

They reached a fenced-off area right below the volcanic crag, where jutting out from the ground were huge black chunks of obsidian, as if years ago someone planted an orchard of huge rocks. Ness approached one and curiously ran his finger along one of the rocks, careful not to cut himself on one of the sharp edges. He never expected in a million years for that rock to laugh in response, and when it did he screamed and jumped backwards, almost falling butt-first to the ground.

—BWAHAHA! Hey, that tickles!

The rock revealed a large human face, with deep black eyes, a long nose, and an enormous mouth that mumbled deep and lazy words. At the sight of Ness and his friends, other obsidian chunks revealed their faces and eyed the children with as much curiosity as they paid them.

—Here at last, the Chosen Four!

—Or the latest batch, anyway.

—Paula…the rocks are talking to us!

—Well, of course we are, young man! We’re rocks after all, it’s no big thing to talk!

Ness looked further ahead, and the rock that spoke that time, far bigger than all the others and holding a sort of pride of place among them, revealed its enormous, smiling, avuncular face to the children.

—Welcome, little ones, to the Lost Underworld. This realm was built many years ago as a refuge against Giygas'  very first assault on earth. Though that battle was lost, its people were able to place remnants of its first civilization here. And to this day it stands, hidden from Giygas's sight, and thus from any further reprisals of his wrath.

Jeff regarded the whole thing, the prehistoric land, the dinosaurs, and the talking rocks in front of him, with a curious frown and plenty of scratching of his chin.

—I thought it was a meteor that crashed on the earth and caused an ice age that killed the dinosaurs?

—Hah! That’s a good one! I bet he’s gonna say next that the earth is billions of years old!

—What do you think? Will these be the last ones we see?

—I don’t see anything special about them. They won’t have it in them to do what it takes, just like the others.

The smaller rocks kept chattering to themselves like this, rattling off strange words and sentiments the kids had no way of understanding, until the great leader rock cleared his throat and silenced them all.

—Now now, everyone, be polite to our guests, they traveled a long and hard road to get here.

—Excuse me, mister uh… rock, sir. What did they mean by “the others?”

—Never mind that for now, young man, what’s more important now is you getting to the third Sanctuary as soon as possible. The way is open for you, but be warned, this one is a little different than what you might be used to. The inhabitants of the Fire Spring are… I wouldn’t call them evil, but… let’s just say, they’re jerks. Comes with the territory of living in a live volcano, I guess. The guardian, however, the Carbon Dog of the Fire Spring, is not to be trifled with. It can smell cowardice, it will exploit hesitation, and it will not tolerate weakness. Furthermore, you may only bring one of the Chosen Four to accompany you.

Ness looked horrified, he turned to his friends and was ready to refuse then and there.

—Oh, don’t worry, son, it’s not as serious as all that. You’re not picking your favorite. You’re not abandoning your other friends. It’s more of a chance for you to consider what you’re up against, what are your companions’ strengths and weaknesses, and how they can bolster your strengths and improve on your weaknesses. You were told that courage, wisdom, and friendship are of the utmost importance on your quest. Consider this a test of, wisdom.

Ness nodded to the friendly rock, but the others could tell he was still nervous about this hard and momentous choice to make.

—It’s okay, Ness. Whoever you choose, we’ll support you no matter what. 

—She’s right, old boy. I told you before, I’m your man to the bitter end. 

Ness took his time, really gave it a lot of thought. Then, he looked to his friends one more time, took in a deep breath, and looked up to the great rock.

—I choose… Prince Poo.

—WHAT??!!!!!

All three of Ness’s friends shouted at the same time. A tiny part of both Paula’s and Jeff’s hearts, though neither would have admitted it out loud, meant by their earlier statements that they would have supported Ness’s choice no matter what, provided that choice was either Paula or Jeff. But as shocked as they were, neither were as utterly flabbergasted as Prince Poo himself.

—Listen, guys, don’t be upset, okay? Paula, you’re such a good friend, and I know that if I ever got scared, you’d be there right beside me, telling me in my mind that it’s going to be alright. But that place is full of fire, and that’s your main power. You’d be at a huge disadvantage in there. And Jeff, you’re smart enough to invent anything, but it’s going to be hot in there. Your inventions might overheat, or worse, explode! But Prince Poo, you’re a born fighter, and your sword was forged in a fire just like this place. Besides, that guardian? He sounds a lot like you, hehe… and I know that if I have someone like that on my side, keeping me safe, and making sure I’m doing my best too, then there’s no stopping the both of us. What do you say, Prince Poo?

Prince Poo sighed, then bowed his head and put his right hand over his left fist in a Dalaamese salute.

—As you wish. 

The two boys headed toward the open chasm of the volcanic cave, before Ness stopped and turned to the friendly great rock.

—Oh! Mister rock sir, I have a favor to ask. We had to push a statue over to get here, and now he’s stuck and can’t get up. Is there any way someone can help him?

The rock let out an uproarious guffaw, which was not exactly the response Ness had imagined upon telling the rock of that statue’s sad fate.

—Oh, bless your heart, young man. You don’t have to worry your little head about that while you’re in there. We’ll take good care of Trevor. 

More or less satisfied, Ness nodded and joined Prince Poo in the dark volcanic crag.

*

There was another reason for Ness’s decision, one he kept to himself in front of his friends, but just as crucial as all the others. He was already fantastic friends with Paula and Jeff, but he still desperately wanted to make amends with Prince Poo. He still blamed himself for the Prince’s attitude, and for going along with, if not starting the fight on the ship. It was vitally important to Ness that he become friends with Prince Poo, or if that was impossible, that he at least get along with him. He wanted this chance alone with him to apologize, to be, if not a shoulder to cry on, then an ear to yap into, to do whatever it took gain the Prince as a true ally.

That chance was going miserably so far. It had been five whole minutes and Ness couldn’t think of anything to say to his companion. It was in fact Prince Poo who broke the long silence first.

—You ah… you like baseball?

—Oh yeah. I love it. Do you play?

Prince Poo frowned and folded his arms.

—Of course I do. I am an excellent baseball player.

—Neat. I’m a shortstop, what position are you?

—I… I play the… base.

—…which one?

—The, middle one.

Ness raised a wary eyebrow and looked to his companion, who was getting more and more agitated as the conversation went on.

—Do you mean second base?

—Yes! Second base, that’s what I said! The second base, on the field. The most strategically important base in all of baseball. As you know.

—Right. 

They endured another long silence after that as they advanced deeper into the cave. The whole thing was a long climb up a sloping hill, whatever parts not shrouded in dark were lit by a mysterious river-flow of lava that trickled down from some mysterious source above into tiny pools beside them. The ground beneath them was pebbles and jagged shards of volcanic rock that made the boys take careful steps as they went.

A hissing sound up ahead made Prince Poo stop and draw his sword, his eyes darting warily to and fro at his surroundings. A group of red-hot amoeba-like blobs slithered into the light and screeched at the two boys, glowing hotter and hotter, ready to strike.

—This is it! I’ll take the ones on the right, you use ice powers on the rest, and whatever you do, don’t let them outflank us!

Before Ness could get a word in edgewise, Prince Poo zipped away and attacked the first blob closest to him with his drawn sword. Ness nervously advanced toward a blob, pointing his bat at the ready. 

By the time Prince Poo dispatched all the other blobs, Ness was still working on the first. He kept bonking the thing on the head, careful not to get too close, as if it were an actual fire. The blob finally screeched and slithered away, more annoyed than defeated. But that was nothing compared to how annoyed Prince Poo looked when Ness turned to face him.

—I ah… I don’t have any ice powers.

—NOW YA TELL ME!!!

They went deeper into the cave, and thankfully Prince Poo didn’t have too long to be miffed at Ness. More fiery critters crawled out of the stonework and harassed the two boys, but with their combined efforts (and with Prince Poo providing the lion’s share of those combined efforts most of the time), they were able to pass through most of these encounters unscathed.

The way grew steeper and narrower, and the lava falls flowed closer and closer to the scant walkable trail as the boys ascended. They reached a high part of the peak where they could see the summit, and there it was.

The guardian of the Fire Spring looked down upon the boys and growled, easily three times as big as Ness. A jet-black wolf of burning coal, unbearably hot even as it stood before them, and emitting smoke that made them cough and stung in their eyes. It stood perfectly still, guarding the invisible line between them and the Sanctuary spot, which in no uncertain terms they were not permitted to cross. At long last, Ness and Prince Poo were face to face with the Carbon Dog.

Prince Poo stepped back and sheathed his sword.

—I have an idea. I can perform a secret technique, but I need time to meditate on it and I will be vulnerable. Keep it away while I prepare.

Ness nervously looked back and forth to Prince Poo and their enemy before them.

—You mean… I’ll be alone?

—Just for a few minutes. You can do it.

Ness looked at the ferocious beast up ahead and froze. It was the strongest, meanest, deadliest enemy they had yet to face, and he was counting on Prince Poo being beside him all the while. And now, he was going to be in front of him!

—I… I can’t… I can’t…

Prince Poo grumbled, then got right in Ness’s face and grabbed him by the shirt.

—Listen to me, you can do this. You said it before, that thing over there is just like me. He’s just another jerk who wants to take your Soundstone away. You can face something like that alone, no problem! You faced me alone, didn’t you, and you were fearless!

—No I wasn’t! I was scared outta my mind!

—Nonetheless! I told you to give me the Soundstone, and you didn’t back down. You looked me right in the eye, and what did you say to me?

—I…

Prince Poo shook Ness by his shirt.

—What did you say to me?!

—I said you have to take it from me!

—That’s right! Now I need that from you one more time. I need it, right here, right now! You don’t have to beat that thing all by yourself, you just have to keep it away. Can you do that for me?

Ness’s heart raced, he looked back and forth between Prince Poo and the Carbon Dog.

—Don’t look at him, look at me! Can you do it or not?!

—…yes. YES! I can do it! I can do it!

—Damn right you can! Now get over there! And don’t be afraid of him, be afraid of my ghost if you let anything happen to me! 

Prince Poo pushed Ness toward the Carbon Dog, then sat on the gravel crosslegged and closed his eyes, holding one hand upright in deep meditation. Ness turned around to face the Carbon Dog, growling and taking small prowling steps closer and closer. He picked up his bat and pointed it at his enemy, drawing an imaginary line himself, between it and his friend.

The Carbon Dog pounced and snapped its jaws at Ness, who instinctively responded the only way he really knew how: he swung his bat and aimed for the rafters. The Gutsy Bat connected to the beast’s head and sent it staggering back. Stunned, bearing an impact crack on its face, and much angrier than before, the Carbon Dog darted toward Prince Poo while feinting left and right. Each time, Ness smacked the beast right in the kisser.

Ness was slowly gaining confidence in the match. He had told the talking obsidian outside the cave that Prince Poo’s sword was forged in fire, but so was his almighty Gutsy Bat, wasn't it? 

Unfortunately, the Carbon Dog was also aware of the common definition of insanity. It blew a wall of fire before itself, which gave off a thick black smoke that sent Ness staggering back, coughing. The beast could advance closer as much as it wanted, and Ness couldn’t stop it if he couldn’t approach it himself. 

The Carbon Dog blew a wicked plume of flame right at Ness’s feet. If it gained much more ground it could reach Prince Poo, and Ness in a flash of clarity reasoned that he might get cooked if he got closer to his foe, but if he let it get to Prince Poo they would both be definitely cooked! He shouted and jumped over the flame before his feet, lifting the bat above his head in midair.

He landed right in front of the beast and brought his weapon down on its head, with all his might. Without waiting to see if it was at least stunned, Ness wailed on the Carbon Dog, barely aware of it himself.

The beast finally turned tail and retreated with a whimper to a good distance away from Prince Poo, who was safely sitting cross-legged and muttering a mantra. The Carbon Dog faced Ness and went into a downward dog position. Ness watched his foe warily, he wasn’t at home, and this wasn’t King, and so he wasn’t about to give this monster a “big stretch” anytime soon.

The Carbon Dog began to metamorphose from the ground up, its paws first turning into a shiny black substance, then its legs, its body, and finally its snarling face. The beast glistened in the fire light, relishing its new deadly form. Ness grasped his bat tighter, watching his enemy in dread. Of course, everyone knows what a hunk of carbon becomes when it undergoes immense heat and pressure. So, too, did the Carbon Dog take that merciless pummeling from Ness and become… the Diamond Dog.

*

If a feral animal could smile, it would have grinned from ear to ear at Ness, as it stalked around him in circles, taking slow, confident steps toward Ness, its footprints transforming the ground into spots of jagged black diamond.

The Diamond Dog glared at Ness, who held his ground in front of Prince Poo. Its eyes glowed a dull red, and a second later a blast of energy fired from its wicked glare to right where Ness was standing. The ray transformed the ground into a patch of the same black diamond that composed of the beast, and if Ness hadn’t jumped backwards from the blast his feet would have been diamondized just the same. 

Ness and the Diamond Dog tried to out-circle each other, the latter beast firing strategic blasts of insta-diamond that Ness did his best to dodge. On the off chance he was able to get close to his enemy, he found to his dismay that even the Gutsy Bat had a limit on the actually most molecularly-dense substance in the world. 

The Diamond Dog, if it could think like a human too, decided that enough was enough. It confidently advanced toward both boys, shrugging off Ness’s attacks before slamming a paw down hard on his opponent. Ness fell with a grunt and tried to push the beast off to no avail. He looked up, saw the Diamond Dog’s eyes glow red. He clenched his own eyes shut. Was this it? At least he kept Prince Poo safe as long as he could…

Something from behind Ness socked the Diamond Dog in the jaw, hard, making it whimper and loosening its paw grip on him. He scrambled to his feet and looked behind him. 

There was another Diamond Dog!

He looked to where Prince Poo had been meditating all along, and Prince Poo was gone! Unless… was the secret technique…

As the first beast scampered back in tactical retreat, the second scraped the ground with its paw, pushing Ness’s bat toward him. As if telling him to pick it up. He did, and the beast bowed its head to him.

—Prince Poo?

The beast responded with a downward dog position. 

—Haha! Oooh, big stretch!

So it was true! Prince Poo had transformed into a carbon copy of the once-carbon, now-Diamond Dog! The first beast gained its composure and howled, taunting them to attack if they dared. Prince Poo roared in kind and pounced.

Now that Ness had an ally made of diamond, he wasn’t so scared of him getting diamondized anymore. Prince Poo indeed shrugged off the fearsome blasts of the beast’s red eyes and wailed on it with his diamond paws, just as Ness had the Carbon Dog with his bat. 

Finally, the beast backed away, whimpering. It couldn’t be beaten, it couldn’t be destroyed, but with Prince Poo’s ferocity backing up its own crystallized paws it could be convinced to knock it off already and let them through. It did so, finally scampering off deeper into the dark volcanic cave, never to bother the two boys again. 

The second Diamond Dog bowed its head, and a rush of light and wind overcame Ness. When it all faded away and the dust cleared, there was Prince Poo, still cross-legged in his meditative position. He rose to his feet and went to Ness.

—Are you hurt?

 Ness didn’t answer. He stood there with his jaw wide open.

—That, was…

—Um… yeah. It’s ah… it’s not as useful as it looks, really. It takes so long to start, and once it works, you know… usually their own attacks against themselves, it’s not very… anyway, I rarely use… oh alright, you can say it!

—…ROCKIN!

*

Ness and Prince Poo went on, further up and further in. The way became brighter as they reached the summit, but also narrower to walk, the streams of lava turning into bigger and bigger pools. Prince Poo suddenly staggered back, shouting in pain.

—Oh! Are you okay?

—It’s too hot for me.

Ness looked ahead and curiously put a hand out, as if feeling for rain.

—Not for me…

—Then this is the point where I can follow you no more. The Sanctuary, it’s meant for you alone. Go on.

—…before I go. I just… thank you. You told me exactly what I needed to hear. 

—It’s alright. Anyway, you… you fought well. You did… I couldn’t have done it without your help.

Ness nodded, and turned to face the way forward. Keeping his eyes up and straight ahead, he took a few steps, getting pretty far too, before Prince Poo realized to his horror that Ness was treading on a bed of white-hot coals.

—Ness, watch out!

Ness looked down and cried out, not quite in mortal terror for his poor feet, so much as one might if they saw a big spider. He turned around and took pained little hops back to Prince Poo.

—It’s too hot to walk on.

—…you don’t say.

—Yeah, I can feel it melting my sneakers.

Ness sat down on the ground, pulled off his sneakers and peeled off his socks. He sat up and casually stepped on the hot coals, rolling on his heels and the balls of his feet, giggling a little.

—There! Much better.

Ness never noticed Prince Poo watching him all the while, just as astounded as Ness was when he saw the Prince transform into a mirror image of a huge terrifying beast. Ness looked up to see him looking back at him like he had eight heads.

—…what?

Prince Poo grumbled and folded his arms.

—Nothing. I’ll wait here for you. Take as long as you need. Be careful not to ah, hurt yourself.

Ness shrugged and faced away from Prince Poo, and made his way further up and further in.

If Prince Poo had any major flaw, it was that, once he had gotten for himself a good and worthy rival, he was clinically unable to pick his battles. He took a good long look at the hot coals before him, and soon enough his own black slip-on shoes and long socks were discarded and resting right next to Ness’s sneakers.

He closed his eyes, controlled his breathing, put up his right hand in meditative salute. He had endured plenty of discomforts and mild tortures in his youth to temper his endurance and sharpen his mind. He had even fire-walked before! This was nothing at all, it was well within his abilities. So what was he worried about?! He steeled himself, and gingerly placed a big toe on the coals.

Prince Poo snapped his eyes open, gritted his teeth, and clenched every muscle in his body.

—EUAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

Meanwhile, Jeff and Paula sat together on the ground cross-legged, enjoying a pleasant game of cards. They heard a horrible shriek far away in the volcanic peak and looked up.

—Oh dear. Must have bean that beastly guardian.

—I do hope they're alright… Got any threes?

—Go fish.

*

You’ve been listening to “The Podcast Against Giygas!” The Podcast Against Giygas is an audiobook written and performed by me, Garrett McMahon, based on Earthbound, the Super Nintendo game directed by Shigesato Itoi. With production by William Pawlowski, and thumbnail design and art direction by David Peters.

This podcast stinks! It is also a fan-made project affiliated in no way whatsoever with the Nintendo Corporation or Mr. Itoi. This podcast is free to listen to, ad-free, and always will be. I hope you enjoyed this week’s episode, and I’ll see you back next Monday, till next time!